What does it really mean to be a man?

Photo by Stef de Klerk

"We are under the constant scrutiny of other men. Other men watch us, rank us, and grant our acceptance into the realm of manhood. Manhood is demonstrated for other men's approval. It is other men who evaluate the performance." - Michael S. Kimmel

To be a man is difficult. It is to search constantly for a language tat defines one's manhood in relation to generally accepted social and historical norms.

As a young, gay, black man in South Africa, my interests lie in finding ways of understanding masculinity and how to go about defining it outside of society's rigid boundaries.

With this interest feeding my first year of a master's of arts degree in choreography and drama, and seeping into the choreographic works I am creating, I began to ask myself how I perceive my manhood, and how it has been influenced by society.

I soon realised that masculinity is perceived through patriarchal cultural and social norms as something rigid, and not subject to the changes and shifts reflective of a society in transformation. Definitions of masculinity are solely dependent on heterosexuality, and anything contrary to that understanding is "other".

Throughout the year, I have been engaging with men of different ages, races and sexual orientations in an attempt to uncover the ways in which they understand masculinity. What becomes clear is that men have difficulty in expressing themselves in ways that are not associated with strength, vigour and ruggedness.

To be soft, intimate, and vulnerable are characteristics that need to "come out" from heteronormativity - much like homosexual males are expected to come out of the closet - in order for manhood to be fully realised. I propose a hospitable and intimate sharing of one's being with another in order to frustrate heteronormative hierarchies and binaries.

The images of men are those that have been constructed to portray a hegemonic and dominant understanding of manhood and masculinity. Men are perceived to be strong and competitive. They do not show weakness or portray any traits or characteristics that might "other" their masculinity - such as being effeminate or gay. These stereotyped perceptions of manhood and masculinity confirm normative gender roles.

We need to arrive to a place where there can be a re-imagination of masculinity that challenges the rigid norms society has constructed around male identity.